Back to school with Fannie Flagg
For the shy child in all of us
I hope you will tune in to this week’s episode of the You Are What You Read podcast. Our guest this week is the great Fannie Flagg, American novelist, (currently the author of Something to Look Forward To). Fannie is also an actress, comedienne and the most hilarious friend you will ever have. Having climbed every mountain and forged every stream in show business, I was surprised to find out that she grew up as a shy child.
It turns out (Fannie tells us how) the most gregarious among us often overcame being shy before they became the person who they were meant to be. Often, that person, who started out in the back row, was actually scheming to take the stage. Perhaps scheming is too extreme, hoping might be the more truthful reality. When I watched Fannie on Match Game after school, it never occurred to me that she was shy. She was beautiful, quick-witted and a team player- and never hesitated to chime in when her friends Brett (Somers) and Charles (Nelson Reilly) goosed her. The least interesting element of that show was the game itself, where contestants (normal people) finished sentences to match the stars for a cash prize. I loved the interaction of Fannie and her friends- they were quick, erudite and down to earth.
Fannie schooled me in how the shy survive.
The shy learn to step up and push through their fear in order to navigate a public persona that they have invented in order to accomplish their goals. Soon, the gifts of the shy person are on display through sheer will. They find their place in forensics, or the drama club, or the Home Ec Room (back in the day). Whether it’s a sense of humor, a particular wit, a vast knowledge, a strength of character or any of the attributes that build a person’s talent, courage must come first. You know you’re shy, so you have to figure out a way through it, or lose out on the dreams you hope to achieve.
This is the time of year when the kids prepare to go back to school, and whether you have little ones or grandchildren or you just love the neighbor kid who finds himself on your doorstep, this is the moment when the children grapple with the excitement and sometimes fear of returning to the classroom. The kids often turn to the adults in their lives for some wisdom in hopes of navigating the school bully, or the popular set that refuses to sit with you at lunch, or the coach who tells you you’re not good enough to play on the team. School can be the ruination of a perfectly good human being (I’m joking of course, but I think you know where this is going). Community, and that includes school, teaches us how to live with one another in harmony, and hopefully, how to treat one another with respect. The first step in community building is communication. We have to find a way to communicate in order to live in peace, growth and eventually prosperity.
The teacher makes all the difference.
So many additional jobs have been lobbed at our teachers, outside the traditional role of teaching a particular subject. I have marvel at the teachers in the schools I visit. They manage to teach in impossible times. Parents have changed over the years, some consider teachers leaders, and there are some who believe that the teachers are there to serve them. Parents, I am told, don’t want to hear any bad news, especially when it comes to their children. I remember years when all my parents heard was bad news in my regard, so I find this current parental point of view astonishing- and hilarious. My parents believed the teacher knew more than they did- as they were the professional. (Keep in mind there are occasional bad eggs in the teaching profession, but this Substack essay is not about them- it’s about the good ones.)
We are overtaxing our teachers having relegated to them many aspects of the job of parenting. The role of the teacher has expanded to providing food and clothing and supplies: paper, pens, a warm sweater, a pair of shoes and clean socks. The inculcation of table manners is often left to the teacher. Respect for supplies and equipment falls on the teacher. Children used to come to the classroom prepared, not just with paper and pencils, but with the fundamentals taught at home to be reinforced at school. No longer. It often falls upon the teacher to instruct the child how to behave and be part of a group.
So, when it comes to the individual student personality, the teacher must also be a part-time therapist. It falls on her or him to encourage the child’s self-esteem, to include the shy student to push through their reticence. Fannie Flagg taught me that self confidence is built by being seen, understood and encouraged. Self confidence comes from developing skills that build the intellect over time, through reading, writing and connecting. School, as they say, is about so much more than learning. It’s a tutorial in how to live in the world, continuing to grow and thrive in a garden of ideas. For the parent looking to help the school spend their time teaching, here are a few books to encourage that idea. Happy First Day of School, and thank you Fannie!
READING LIST
QUIET by Susan Cain
SORRY, GROWN-UPS, YOU CAN’T GO TO SCHOOL by Christina Geist
ON WRITING by Eudora Welty
SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO by Fannie Flagg
Enjoy Adriana’s new novel, The View from Lake Como now. For more updates and events, visit adrianatrigiani.com.
I could not love this piece more Adriana. Sharing. ❤️❤️❤️